Category Feminism and Gender

Here is today’s International Women’ Day Public Service Announcement…

Trans women are women! All women deserve equal rights and protection – legally, morally and every other way. Instead of women fighting with other women, we need to support each other.

Instead of attacking trans women, let’s recognize that patriarchy and other destructive systems are the real problem.

Let’s commit to ending discrimination and the pain that patriarchy causes – in families, faith groups, communities, nationally and internationally.

Share your hopes, dreams and goals in the comments, and we’ll support each other!

Decades ago, at least in my circles, I was assured that churches (ones that I was connected with, at least), had long since moved past any old or outdated policies on gender or sexual orientation. The somewhat spoken – and somewhat unspoken – message that I got was “Of course we’re inclusive, and everyone younger knows it. We just aren’t talking about it widely because that would upset the oldest members. In a few years, everyone here will be safe and inclusive – just be patient for a few years.” Now, it’s totally possible that I completely misread the assumptions of organizations that I was with, and others might report something completely different. However, I waited patiently, and gave organizations the benefit of the doubt, and yet now, decades later, things haven’t changed to a degree that matches what I was expecting. In fact, things are far short of what I – and so many others – have been “waiting patiently” for.

Now, still, so many faith groups (and the family units within them) discriminate against LGBTQ+ people, whether actively or passively. “Weaponized unity” as described by Jemar Tisby, is the perfect description of this phenomenon – “Just wait a bit longer for your basic rights to be accepted. Don’t rock the boat. As long as you wait quietly and don’t say anything that will upset the people who are hurting you, and don’t ask for more, we can all still come to the same services/family gatherings/spaces. But if you speak up, others will be upset and the disruption will be your fault.”

It’s yet another variation of blaming the victim. Instead of demanding that people stop discriminating, we’re asking some people to hide their true identities, or accept less than full equality, while others, in power, discriminate without consequence.

If the only thing holding our families or faith groups together is the fact that some people are allowed to discriminate, we don’t have unity. Plus, we have been asking people to “just wait a bit longer” for way too long. At the same time as people are leaving the church in rapid numbers (and leaderships wonder why), too many denominations use “weaponized unity” to keep those who are being discriminated against quiet, so that those who are discriminating don’t get upset.

We all deserve protection from discrimination – and it’s not OK to take the protection that we get and turn it around to offer someone else less than we get. It goes every direction and overlaps in countless ways. Women, minorities, Muslims, gays and so many others are legally protected from discrimination (even though it still happens). If we, as women, don’t want to be discriminated against, we can’t promote discriminate against Muslims or LGBTQ+ families. We as LGBTQ+ families deserve protection, and need to extend the same respect to our Muslim neighbours – and expect the same respect to be shown to us. We can not, in good conscience, expect someone else to tolerate discrimination that we wouldn’t accept for ourselves.

We can – and must – do better.

After a break for the holidays, we’re back! Today we’re talking about safety at the holidays for LGBTQ+ individuals/families with potentially unsafe extended families or other connections. When so many people gather, many of us have gatherings that aren’t safe or welcoming. So today, that’s what we are talking about.

Holidays and special occasions (whenever they may take place) are often a time for family gatherings (whether in person or remote). However, if those gatherings aren’t safe/free from discrimination, it makes the holidays tough for those who are excluded.

What are holidays like for you? Are your gatherings safe and welcoming? Does your (extended) family have firm rules that ensure discriminatory behaviour is not allowed?

Do you have gatherings that you no longer attend? Are you able to find other gatherings that are safe instead?

What would it take to make gatherings safe? Have you found people in your circles receptive to change that would make gatherings more inclusive?

Where do you live and how has the political climate in the last few years directly impacted you?

Share your thoughts, questions and wins in the comments. I’ll respond to all of your questions (or as many as I can!)

After a quieter than expected spring and summer here, due to some scheduling conflicts and vacation time on my end (sorry about that!), things are back up and running – and there are some big ideas being worked on to build up and improve the website over the fall and winter.

You may have noticed that the online store has been growing slowly and steadily. If you haven’t checked it out recently, I encourage you to do so. One of my favourites, from this summer, is the Lomi home composter – we tested ours on some camping trips this summer, and it performed beautifully!

I also had the privilege of attending my first Toronto Pride Parade this summer, visiting with some family and friends, and finding time for some much needed vacation.

Now, we are into fall, and that means it’s back to work! For the website, fall and winter, this year, means an increased focus on all things sustainable, looking at both individual and systemic changes that we need to make, as well as individual changes that lead to systemic changes.

Looking for things that you can change right now, to help build a better tomorrow? Here’s today’s list:

• Eliminate (or very significantly reduce) consumption of animal products
  • Animal products are a very significant contributor to the climate crisis (plus a Whole Foods Plant-Based diet is far healthier!).
  • Want to go all the way and go into winter plant-based? Use up what you currently have in your fridge or freezer, and don’t by anything else. Instead of adding chicken or other meat to your pasta (for example), add a tin of chickpeas or kidneys – it’s more sustainable, healthier and cheaper. Why pay more to wreck the climate?
• Quit flying
  • If you can’t quit all the way now, cut the worst flights first:
    • short and medium haul flights, as well as any flights for a short trip eg flying to a resort for a week in winter, flying out for a conference/meeting etc. Instead, find somewhere local for a holiday, and join the meeting remotely.
    • If you must fly, limit it to only the absolutely essential trips, and limit yourself to one flight/year or less (as your max – less is much better). Can you challenge yourself (and others in your circles) to reduce yourselves to one flight every 5 years? Every 10 years? Something else?
• Advocate for better choices and policies at the institutional level
  • Ironically, some faith groups (and others) are still acting in a manner that seems completely backwards – actively refusing to do what’s needed to address the climate crisis, while ALSO putting huge amounts of time and energy into things like ensuring that they continue to discriminate against LGBTQ+ people, newcomers, women, minorities and others. It’s wrong, and the only thing that will change it is if we all speak up and demand something better.
  • We need to put all of our time and energy into doing what’s right – saving the planet and ending discrimination.

Pyramids are often uses as a model within development and other spaces, whether correctly or incorrectly eg pyramids of needs, food pyramids and others. Some work well, some not so well. However, I did come across one recently that I think has value for where we are at right now.

These days, there is far too much of every level of the pyramid – including anti-LGBTQ+ laws in countless places, pointless wars, genocide, a climate crisis that is being ignored and many other challenges

There is far too much hate (for people and the planet), and not enough love, peace, kindness and inclusion and sustainability.

So, why did I post this today?

Far too often, I still see people posting (or sharing in other ways), things that land on the pyramid of hate – either the bottom, or even much higher up. Might be something discriminatory, might be support for a politician or law that discriminates against others, might be support for a war that hurts others, might be lack of support for refugees, might be hateful comments about how a minority (eg LGBTQ+ or others) don’t belong in one’s faith group or family or so many other awful things.

So, what would this look like if we flipped it around, and made it a pyramid of inclusion? (Apologies in advance: my design skills are not good enough to actually redesign it here, so we’ll have to use our imaginations.)

Instead of thinking and acting on our negative biases, leading to discrimination and violence, let’s reverse the cycle. Let’s actively include, and find space for others. Let’s stop justifying our own bad behaviour (eg hateful attitudes, discrimation, sexism, racism, exclusion, pollution and others), pretending that “it’s not that bad, and not hurting anybody” (or any of countless other excuses and justifications). Just because somebody else’s behaviour is worse, doesn’t make our behaviour OK. Both can be wrong, in different ways. We all have ways to improve and learn how to do better.

The Giza pyramids have been around for a long time. Likewise, our legacy – of hate, discrimination and climate destruction OR love, inclusion and a safe planet – will last just as long. So, which do we choose?

If we want a pyramid of inclusion, we need to face our own areas where we need to learn more, find ways to be more inclusive, take radical action to to love creation (switch to a plant-based diet, quit flying, get rid of our gas-powered vehicles, downsize our homes and many others, depending on individual circumstances etc).

So, as we start a new week, what kind of pyramid are we going to build? 🙂

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Over the years, a conversation that I have had, on numerous occasions, relates to how we as Mennos (and others), do community. Within Mennonite circles, specifically, we have a long history of being very intentional about community-building, and have often done really well at it. At the same time, as with all systems, there are gaps, and places where we don’t meet our own standards, places where what we think of as average/typical/how it’s always done, is actually our idealized/glossed over version of reality – the “what you see on Facebook” version of how we’re doing at community, instead of the actual, real-world, hard reality of the fact that we have gaps, and places where people fall through the cracks.

(Before I get too far, you may be wondering how community fits in with sustainability – the short answer is that we are all working together to share one, livable, thriving planet. Finding ways to build community is one part of working together to share the planet as a whole.)

As a completely non-exhaustive, getting the discussion going, list, here are some of things that I think stand in the way of building better communities:

• Willful blindness – we can’t fix what we don’t’ acknowledge
• Lack of intention – it takes effort to put community building ahead of the countless other things that could take our time and attention
• Discrimination – We don’t name this often enough, but it’s there, and the impacts are real. If a faith group wants to build community, but, for example, opposes full rights for LGBTQ2+ members of the community, the group is choosing to prioritize discrimination over community, welcome and inclusion. Likewise, a faith group may claim to welcome our Middle Eastern neighbors, but support wars in the region that cause harm. We can’t do both – if we want to be in community with our neighbors, we can’t support wars that hurt others. We can’t support wars and then be proud of being a “safe haven” for refugees – or, even worse, support wars and then refuse to accept refugees that are fleeing the very wars we are supporting.
• Other – there are many others, but these are the first few that came to mind for me.

So, given all of this, how do we move forward more positively? Here’s my preliminary list:

• Admit that we all do some parts of community well, and have room to grow, at the same time
• Treat others as well as we want to be treated. If we do not want groups (faith, community or anything else) to discriminate or close doors to us, we absolutely can not do that to others. We can’t be grateful that we are “in” while supporting policies (based on gender and sexuality, race, religion, ethnicity or anything else) that keeps others “out”. Doesn’t matter if the negative thing that we are promoting doesn’t impact us directly (eg “I don’t identify as xxx, so I can support hurtful policies on that topic, because it won’t exclude me directly.”)
• Actively work to find people to include, who might really appreciate an invite, instead of limiting to the usual group (eg when planning an event/coffee meet up or anything else)
• Adjust systems, when needed, to ensure that everyone is welcome. For example, I know of many faith groups that have a formal “small group” system, to help build community – which can be great, in principle. However, I also know of times when the system denies new people a spot because “All of the groups are full and we don’t want to upset people by making a change, to allow space for the newcomers.” When systems are run like this, and there is active resistance to change, the systems that are supposed to ensure that everybody is included becomes the most direct, clear source of exclusion. (“Everybody has a spot – and nobody is willing to give up their very comfortable position to make space for a new person/family…”) It happens – even within our Menno congregations, and it’s something that I think we should be highly motivated to change.
• Be intentionally aware of when “this is how we’ve always done it” conflicts with “this is what we need to do to be welcoming and inclusive now.” If “the way we’ve always done it” is closing doors to people, and we don’t make a change, we are choosing to be unwelcoming, despite the fact that we probably aren’t naming it as such. Is that really the message we want to be giving to others? If we care more about inclusion than resisting change, are we making sure that the message is getting through to where it needs to be heard?
• Other?

The COVID pandemic, at least in my circles, has been, among many things, a reminder of how important community is. As we move forward, what are we, collectively, going to do to find a new, better normal, instead of going back to the way that it was? What areas of challenge have you seen? What steps have you been a part of to do better in these areas?

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Dr. Dean Ornish, the founder of the Preventive Medicine Research Institute, says this about the effects of loneliness: “I am not aware of any other factor — not diet, not smoking, not exercise, not stress, not genetics, not drugs, not surgery — that has a greater impact on our incidence of illness, and chance of premature death.”

Never underestimate the power you hold as ONE PERSON to save the life of another.

“Come join us,” you’ll say with a smile.

And the recipient will sigh with relief … angst gone instantly … a world of pain cut in half.

One person can do that.

Am I invisible? One mom’s pain-relieving response to being excluded: Link

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Looking for more info or resources? Looking for sustainable, plant-based or zero-waste items? Check out the website for more details!

Guardian

This is a fascinating (if also slightly depressing) bit of research from the Guardian, with implications that go far beyond luggage design. and well into how we live sustainably – with each other, and with the planet. So, it turns out that wheels on suitcases – as obvious as it seems as a design – was held back, for far too long, because of negative gender stereotypes. Short answer: men are strong enough to carry a suitcase themselves, and women will only ever travel somewhere if there is a man with them (husband or other) to carry their bags for them. Therefore, the theory goes, there is no reason to have wheels on bags, since they would only be used by women who are travelling without a male… Seems that the goal was not to make it easier for women to be independent, and, in fact, the goal seems to have been pretty openly opposite – or at minimum, along with other items, was seen as an unworthy use of time/resources etc.

Two assumptions about gender were at work here. The first was that no man would ever roll a suitcase because it was simply “unmanly” to do so. The second was about the mobility of women. There was nothing preventing a woman from rolling a suitcase – she had no masculinity to prove. But women didn’t travel alone, the industry assumed. If a woman travelled, she would travel with a man who would then carry her bag for her. This is why the industry couldn’t see any commercial potential in the rolling suitcase. It took more than 15 years for the invention to go mainstream, even after Sadow had patented it.

Guardian

From this starting point, the research goes on to point out countless other ways in which the contributions (and preferences) of men have dominated society – even when it’s detrimental, not just to society as a whole, but directly to the men impacted by their individual choices.

For example, many of us may have heard that EVs were designed long ago, but gas powered vehicles became more common, leading to a long period of dominance for gas over EVs. The part that was new to me, in this research, is that there was a gendered component to this, as well.

The rolling suitcase is far from the only example. When electric cars first emerged in the 1800s they came to be seen as “feminine” simply because they were slower and less dangerous. This held back the size of the electric car market, especially in the US, and contributed to us building a world for petrol-driven cars. When electric starters for petrol-driven cars were developed they were also considered to be something for the ladies. The assumption was that only women were demanding the type of safety measures that meant being able to start your car without having to crank it at risk of injury. Ideas about gender similarly delayed our efforts to meet the technological challenges of producing closed cars because it was seen as “unmanly” to have a roof on your car. (Bold mine)

Guardian

As the author goes on to point out, this tendency in society, to give preference to things which are actually not in our own – collective – best interest, manifests in countless ways. We know that this is our history – and often part of our present. So, know that we know it’s an area where we tend to slip up (fairly catastrophically, at times), the next step is to own our mistakes, admit that we need to do better, and work hard at creating active, positive change.

What might that look like, for different people/circumstances?

• switching to a (partly or fully), plant-based diet
• getting rid of the gas-powered vehicle (as soon as is reasonably possible) and switching to other options
• using legs, bikes and public transit more, and a personal vehicle less
• buying/owning fewer consumer goods and being content with less
• using zero waste products, instead of single use alternatives
• downsizing to a smaller living space
• less overtime at work (when financially possible) and more time with family/friends/community/volunteering etc (NOTE: This is in reference specifically to working unnecessary overtime to maintain an expensive, high end house/lifestyle etc. eg if you could downsize your house/lifestyle etc by 25-50+% and still have plenty of room for everyone, this one might apply to you…)
• flying less, even when pandemic restrictions open up and allow greater opportunities
• Other?

The sustainability of our planet, and how we care for each other, locally and globally, is critical – and far too important to get overtaken with outdated and gendered notions of what good choices look like. We can do better, together. 😃

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Looking for sustainable, plant-based or zero-waste info or items? Check out the MennoAdventures website and online store!

CBC

Although this is only a small step in the right direction, it is worth celebrating. At the same time, there is still a shocking level of resistance – within the Ontario Catholic system and in other places, to a move as modest as flying a flag to demonstrate inclusion. For the record, the “faith-based” resistance to full acceptance of our LGBTQ+ members is not new, and it’s not something I am going to use space articulating here (but it is cited in the article, above). I’m sure that we’ve all heard it before, and the focus here is on how to move forward, more positively, not on giving space to outdated and discriminatory ideas.

So, in order to help transform the conversation from negative, to positive, I (along with countless others that are working for more inclusive faith groups), would like to suggest the following as a reframing of how we view our faith and actions, for ourselves, and others:

Instead of the too-often used, traditional, inaccurate and discriminatory stance:

“My faith tells me, based on centuries old (mis)understandings of gender and sexuality, that you – and your basic core identifiers, or what you do with your body – are wrong, and I am right. For me to live true to my faith, I need you to change who you are, in order for me to tolerate you.”

Let’s switch to:

• “My faith tells me to love my neighbour, so I am called to accept and embrace the diversity (including gender, sexuality and many other things) that we all bring, without judgement or prejudice.”
• “My faith tells me to be a good neighbour, so I am called to serve others, instead of demanding that others change their core identity to appease me.”
• “My faith tells me that if I own two coats, and my neighbour has none, I should share – so therefore, I am called to give up my big house and move somewhere smaller, live simply, share my wealth, support a universal basic income and work to end wealth inequality in the world.”
• “My faith tells me to care for creation, so I am called to stop eating animal products, use zero waste instead of single use products, switch away from my gas vehicle as soon as possible, and vote for governments that take the climate crisis seriously.”
• My faith tells me to not kill others, so I am called to actively support peacebuilding instead of militaries, not own a gun, ensure that I am not glorifying war or weapons in any way, and actively vote in governments that show love to our global neighbours instead of engaging in war.”
• “My faith tells me to live at peace with others, so I am called to learn the history of racism and discrimination in the world, locally and globally, and actively work to deconstruct any misperceptions I may have about systemic racism in our world. Likewise, I am called to actively welcome refugees and other newcomers with open arms.”
• and so on…

Or, in the super-simplified form…

“My/our faith calls me/us to be better global citizen(s), and to serve others, without discrimination. One of the worst things we can do is latch on to the misguided idea that all we need to do is force someone else to change who they are (“be straight instead of LQBTQ+”, “don’t get an abortion”, “don’t be a refugee”…) and then that will be our ticket into heaven. Over and over, in countless faith traditions, we are called to change our own actions (giving up our own wealth, serving the poor and refugees, giving up our own power and status) instead of forcing change on others, especially on aspects of core identity, that break modern anti-discrimination laws in many countries. God calls us to give up our own privilege and wealth, (which is very hard to do), instead of demanding that others change who they are to appease us.”

So, with that, let’s get Pride Month going!😀

More info:

Taking a stand for her father and her family, she’s raising the Pride flag at her former Catholic school – CBC

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Guardian

This is a lovely story, from the LEGO headquarters in Denmark. While one act like this does not make up for bad policies, or replace the need for good policies, symbolically, it is a great step in the right direction, towards greater inclusion, recognition of diversity, and acknowledgment of gender and sexuality as more than how it’s been represented in the past.

In the “spraying room” at Lego HQ, tiny figurines are layered with bright, glossy paint before being placed on a rainbow-esque arch. The result, a waterfall of colour with 11 brand new minifigures striding purposefully towards an imagined brighter future, is the Danish toymaker’s inaugural LGBTQIA+ set, titled Everyone Is Awesome.

The colours of the stripes were chosen to reflect the original rainbow flag, along with pale blue, white and pink representing the trans community, and black and brown to acknowledge the diversity of skin tones and backgrounds within the LGBTQIA+ community.

Guardian

In addition, as noted in the article, the company has started selling their marriage sets separately (as opposed to a man and a woman, together in one box), so that couples can choose any two individual pieces that best represent their relationship.

This is one more step, in the right direction, for inclusion, welcoming for all, and a greater respect for the full range diversity within humanity. Let’s hope that these symbolic steps lead to both more similar changes, as well as real-world, actual policy changes – including full rights for everyone, and an end to all discrimination, whether based on gender and sexuality, or anything else.

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Looking for zero-waste, plant-based or sustainable items? Check out the MennoAdventures online store! There are always lots of great deals to be found, with our many amazing partners! Happy browsing!

The list of things that have led women to be labelled “difficult” is far too long to list here… Instead of telling women to “be less difficult” or asking women to simply accept negative labels as the price to pay for being smart, assertive or speaking out against systemic problems, it’s time to rephrase how we identify smart, assertive women. So many of the traits that men get praised for are seen as deficits in women, in too many places, throughout history and around the world – while so often people (especially men) are praised for being aggressive and bullying (behaviours that nobody should be doing). Let’s put an end to that! And, in the interim, as women, all we can do is embrace the label as a sign that we are probably doing something right. To be clear, this doesn’t mean that all behaviour (regardless of gender) is good when others say it’s difficult – just that women tend to be over-labelled as difficult for anything that is not completely passive…😀

Women, what is your craziest/best/most frustrating story of being called “difficult” for being, smart, assertive, good at your job, working to change systems or anything else? Share your stories below, in the comments. 😀